I FOUND MY MEGAPHONE!
Entry One: March 29, 2016;
On December 26, 2016, at 7:45 AM, I left my house for work. It was no different than any other time that I’ve left for work. I was bopping to my headphones & ready to pull my full shift. I clocked on & went straight to work. I don’t remember much of the following three or four days. For that you would have to ask my daughter, her finance, & a family friend. What I do remember is that I was fine when I got to work and 8:00 AM, and I was still fine at 10:00 AM, when my daughter and I spoke on the phone.
On December 26, 2016, at 7:45 AM, I left my house for work. It was no different than any other time that I’ve left for work. I was bopping to my headphones & ready to pull my full shift. I clocked on & went straight to work. I don’t remember much of the following three or four days. For that you would have to ask my daughter, her finance, & a family friend. What I do remember is that I was fine when I got to work and 8:00 AM, and I was still fine at 10:00 AM, when my daughter and I spoke on the phone.
By 10:30 AM, when my daughter came to see me, I had
developed a rapid heart beat, an issue with breathing, and was feeling very
anxious.
That is about all I can say right now because I need a
minute…
Entry Two: March 30, 2016;
That’s when my daughter & her fiancé noticed that I was shaking uncontrollably. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me as I was starting to panic.
I have social anxiety anyway, so panic attacks are like family to me. They come in hard & fast, make me think I need to fight, flight, or freeze, then slip away & pretend that nothing happened. You know, like family. I have a few other psychological “disorders,” according to therapists’ opinions (mine, too, as I know how to read the DSMs I-V[i]), so before jumping to conclusions. . .
Entry Two: March 30, 2016;
That’s when my daughter & her fiancé noticed that I was shaking uncontrollably. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me as I was starting to panic.
I have social anxiety anyway, so panic attacks are like family to me. They come in hard & fast, make me think I need to fight, flight, or freeze, then slip away & pretend that nothing happened. You know, like family. I have a few other psychological “disorders,” according to therapists’ opinions (mine, too, as I know how to read the DSMs I-V[i]), so before jumping to conclusions. . .
. . . I tried
assessing my symptoms, but my mind was racing. I couldn’t get my thoughts
together. I kept trying to get my muscles to behave. You see. . .
. . . in October of 2003, I was diagnosed with Polymyalgia-Rheumatica[ii]
(no relation to Fibromyalgia[iii],
which I was diagnosed with last year – 2015). I also was told by doctors that I
had hypothyroidism[iv] many,
many years ago. . .
. . . I kept trying
to control my muscles & assess whether or not I could, or even should, stay
at work. I guess I thought I needed to stay. All I know is that I usually completed
all my tasks on time, or shortly thereafter, but that day I was nearly 2 hours
late clocking off. Like I stated earlier, my memory of the events of the day
are sporadic, at best. No matter how hard I tried to deny it, the only obvious
answer was that I was exposed to something toxic while on shift. That would
mean I either came into physical contact with a substance by happenstance or I
was drugged.
Just the thought frightened me. So, I then had all these
thoughts, assessments, & now conspiracy theories going round in my head.
All I could think was that I needed to get to the hospital. It was all I could
do to sit still, so that wasn’t an option. I couldn’t eat. I even had to force
myself to simply swallow water that was already in my mouth without gagging
& choking on it. I couldn’t relax. None of my skills for relaxation were
working, & my symptoms keep intensifying.
Around 9 PM, my symptoms were so great they were interfering
with my breathing. I had my daughter’s fiancé take me to the ER
at PeaceHealth Southwest Medical Center. I asked the ladies at the front
desk if I could have a blood panel performed because I was certain I was
poisoned, or something. While waiting, I asked if I could have a Crime Victims
Form, & reception told me that they are not the police, so they are under
no obligation to report a crime. They said that was up to me. Later, I asked
the triage nurse & was told the same line. Later still, at my release, I
asked the doctor, Joshua
J. Hurwitz, MD. , that treated me the same question about Crime Victims,
& like a good robot, he regurgitated the same response, “We are not the
police. We are under no obligation to report a crime. That is up to you.” I was
in no condition to speak to anyone, & at the time the phone was frightening
me for no logical reason, mind you. I couldn’t understand why no one was taking
me seriously. I still don’t.
Me in ER: I took
A LOT of pictures (that was all I could focus on – called “tweaking” or
“spinning”)
<3 AS ALWAYS:
Let Peace, Love, & Joy be yours. Blessed Be! <3
*Entry Three: Coming relatively soon. This is a challenge.
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[1] http://dsm.psychiatryonline.org/
[1] http://www.mayoclinic.org/
[1] http://www.mayoclinic.org/
[1] http://www.mayoclinic.org/
[1] http://www.endocrineweb.com/
