Have you ever felt happiness? I mean truly, from the tips of your longest toenail to your head hair follicles? Have you ever felt the happiness that makes your body feel like it’s exuding electricity everywhere, almost to the point or even actually to the point of contagion? Well, I have. It’s rare, but it happens.
When telling my life stories, the general public seems desensitized & mostly poo-poo them as just that—stories. It’s been that way, pretty regular my entire life, literally (in the true Oxford definition!)! However, there have been some folks that have been moved by my stories enough to believe them & even become what I would consider friends. As a child, I did a lot of the childhood whiny shit, according to the adults around me, but I was really only reacting to my environment in the only ways I could figure.
I was always crying out to God things like, “Why me, God?” & “What did I do to deserve this?” EVERY FUCKING CHRISTIAN CHURCH—many different sects, mind you-- I’VE ATTENDED TOLD ME THAT IF I CRIED OUT TO JESUS I’D BE SAVED! FUCK THE CHURCH I would beg with God that if he took the abuse away that I’d be good. The abuse would go on, so I’d learn another way to not get caught by man {. . . not that I deliberately did these things (they were almost like instinct, like self-preservation, almost—kind of “a good defense is a good offense” tactic, if you will)}.
Wax them poetic, tragic, romantic, or simply life experiences they are my truths. Believe it or not, truth, integrity, & sheer authenticity make me contentedly happy.
No comments:
Post a Comment